Task
The parents of your Australian friend Chris have invited you to a surprise birthday party for him/her.
Write a letter to Chris’s parents. In your letter:
- say why you think Chris will enjoy the surprise party
- explain why you won’t be able to attend the party
- give details of a plan to see Chris at a different time
Candidate’s Answer
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 5.0 score.
Dear Mr and Mrs Collins,
I hope you are well both of you. I am writing to chris’s parents because they celebrate my friend surprise birthday party.
Yes, I think chris will very happy because he is feeling good. His birthday celebration some different types of give party. because he is coming from india sometimes so, he will enjoy this party.
I do not able to party because my father was heart attack in two days. I am going to Dehli and he is not well and Doctor says my father have a done angioplasty. So I have here in ten days. then I will come home together my father.
Let you know about I am meet chris after sometime and when my father is well then I will meet you and together with travelling outside. I have many planned but this time I am not able to meet you as well as I will meet you soon chris.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours sincerely,
Examiner’s Comment
This letter addresses each of the bullet points. There is some detail on why the candidate will not be able to attend the party. More information could be given about why Chris will enjoy the party and the plan to see Chris as these points are less clear.
Ideas are arranged in the order of the bullet points so the reader can follow them in this letter, but the lack of cohesive devices mean progression is not clear.
Vocabulary is minimally adequate. There are some accurate examples [heart attack | angioplasty] but the range is limited and errors in word choice [give party | have here in ten days / am here for ten days] do cause some difficulty.
Sentence structures are limited and there are many errors [types of give party | have a done | I do not able] which cause difficulty for the reader.
