Task
You would like to reduce your working hours in order to study part-time.
Write a letter to your boss. In your letter
- explain why you want to reduce your working hours
- say which hours you would like to work
- describe how your part-time studies would benefit your employer
Candidate’s Answer
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6.0 score.
Dear Mr. Brent,
I hope this letter finds you well.
I am writing this letter to request my working hours in Lancom Technology to be reduced to 30 hours from 40 hours in a weekly basic.
I am requesting hours change duo to study part-time. I have enrolled myself in Diploma of Logistics and Freight Forwarding. The part-time course is to be completed in 2 years time.
I would like to work from Monday to Friday from 7am to 1pm, so I could attend my classes on the afternoon session.
I hope this arrangement would allow me to gain more skills and knowledges, which I am confidently to contribute to our logistic department. Besides, the society exposure from lecturers and fellow schoolmates could contribute to our logistic network.
I am appreciate if you could look into this request and approve it. I am delighted to have face-to-face meeting with you to discuss any alternative.
Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any question. I am looking forward to hearing from you.
Thank you.
Yours sincerely.
Examiner’s Comment
This letter is a good response to the task, the tone is suitable for writing to a manager and all aspects of the bullet points are presented. Benefits to the employer include [more skills and knowledges] that can be shared across the team, and an increased [logistic network]. The message can be followed as there is a clear progression, although due to the very short paragraphs, this does appear more like a list of information rather than a letter.
Vocabulary has some good elements [enrolled | contribute to | discuss any alternative], but there is some lack of precision in word choice [weekly basic / weekly schedule | confidently to contribute / confident will contribute]. Grammatical structures are varied but limited overall. Strengths include [reduced to… from | is to be completed | so I could attend], but there are some errors, including missing articles [Diploma / a Diploma] and third person ’s’ [logistic network / logistics network | any question / any questions], and use of modal forms [I am appreciate / I would appreciate | I am delighted / I would be delighted].
To improve the rating, the ideas should be better organised into paragraphs within the letter. Instead of starting each sentence with [/], the candidate could introduce more variety with linking and grammatical structures.
