Task
Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctic.
What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places?
Candidate’s Answer
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 5.0 score.
The globalization is the most important topic for all the people. They want to know what is happening around and what is the reasons for that. The people discovering the things and geting well aware about hiden things. The tourists are visiting the deserts more as compare to other places. Although the conditions are bit more difficult in such type of places but they are excited to know about each and everything.
The benefits to visit such areas is that they actually want to let people know what is the difference between the life in desert and other normal places. It is shown in one of the australian movie which is cast on a Japanese. In movie the Japese goes to desert for some research about how to survive in deserts. His car stuck into the desert. He just keeps try to get out of there and at the end he become succeed. After moving forward some distance he watch a cannel of water and he jump into that water but depth is not so much and he dies because his neck hit by stone into the water. So it make us realize that when you found a cannel in deserts especially first make sure that how deep it is.
ISecondly, the disadvantages to visit the deserts is that the casualty rate is more in deserts as compare to other discoveries. When tourists go to the desert, they even don’t know either they will return back to home or not.
The case is that the people are going to desert more because there are more things to discover like mines, minerals, medical related preventions etc. Here is another example that once people got diamonds from desert which was in UAE. They took it as pebbles but when they came back to home they realize that were diamonds.
Examiner’s Comment
The candidate focuses on tourists visiting the desert, rather than on visiting places where conditions are difficult, so the prompt is not fully addressed. There is an attempt to discuss some benefits and disadvantages, but ideas are limited. The response is organised into paragraphs, but the focus of each is not always clear, while cohesive devices are sometimes faulty [as compare to] and the subject of reference pronouns is sometimes ambiguous [Although the conditions are a bit more difficult in such type of places but they are excited… | The benefits to visit such areas is that they actually want to…]. The range of lexis is sometimes limited [The people discovering the things], yet the candidate is quite adventurous at times [some research about how to survive in deserts | cannel of water | depth | deep | casualty rate]. There are attempts to produce complex structures, but these usually contain errors [what is the reasons for that | Although… but | Here is another example that…].
