Task
A large company in your area has decided to spend a certain amount of money, either to sponsor a local children’s sports team for two years, or to pay for two open-air concerts. It has asked for feedback from the general public.
Write a letter to the company. In your letter
- describe the benefits of sponsoring the sports team
- summarise the benefits of paying for the concerts
- say how you think the company should spend the money
Candidate’s Answer
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 5.0 score.
Dear Sir or Madam,
According to your letter, I’m very grateful and sctisfect, by you confidence. I would explain in witch ways, you’ll be obtain a good feedback from the general public.
Firstly, sponsoring a sport children team could increase the numbers of visitors(for examples, family, friends), and also the level of this team, and check the place too. We could mixte with an advertising campain when the team need to move for challenging.
Secondly, we have another sujection it’s create two open-air concerts. This solution have a big advantage, because a lot of range of people could beneficited.
We can offer a large range of free item included. But it’s this case we reguilty a maximum savety of people to controlled the side and avoid alhcolic beverage. It’s very huge risk for everything and we need to have in according with the Council.
In fact, I prefered to give my advice for this sponsorised local children, is very a good mark for the community and for the further customers.
I’m wainting you respond sooner, and I’ll hope to expose dearly my wiev point.
Best regards,
Examiner’s Comment
The response addresses all three bullet points, but the ideas that are presented show little development. The purpose of the letter is clear, however, and the writer’s position is given at the end. Information is presented with some organisation and some basic linking devices are used [Firstly | Secondly | In fact]; there are also examples of simple reference words [this team | This solution | this case]. The writer would need to use a wider range of cohesive devices to achieve a higher score here. There are attempts to use a range of vocabulary [obtain | advertising campaign | maximum savety/safety | alhcolic/alcoholic beverage/s | in according/accordance with the Council], but these usually show errors in spelling or word formation. Other errors could cause some comprehension problems [sctisfect/satisfied? | challenging/competitions? | sujection/subject? possibility? proposal? |reguilty?]. There are attempts to use complex sentences [I would explain in witch ways, you’ll be obtain… | sponsoring a sport children team | We could mixte with…when the team need…], but the level of error is high and can cause some difficulty for the reader.
