Task
In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping.
Is this a positive or a negative development?
Candidate’s Answer
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 5.0 score.
Nowadays there are differents ways to buy clothes, but it is known that people love to do shopping, the problem is that some store that are near to our home doesn’t have the clothes we like, so we need to go far away to a big outlet, where we can find popular stores even if we have local shops with quality clothes.
Ussually the big stores are popular because the demande of the products that’s why the Fabrics are outside the cities, IF you go diarectly to a Fabric it is easier For you to find a promotions or products that are more cheap, instead of going to a store that is close to you home where, sometimes it is more expensive because they bring the clothes and the transportation or if we are talking about an international product the exportation. Most of the people prefer to save some money going to the principal store.
The negative aspect of all of this is that a lot of local shops are clossing, thats why they are creaking projects that help this local stores, some companies are investing in this shops by putting them a lot of marketing that help the shops to be popular and Famous, this is really helping the shops, a lot of celebrities and famous people are making marketing with this products and making them a popular product. So now this local shops may be big factories in the future.
Examiner’s Comment
The candidate identifies some positive and negative aspects of the topic, but does not offer any conclusion, which weakens the effectiveness of the response. The ideas presented are not always developed and or relevant ([celebrities making marketing with this products | local shops may be big factories in the future]). Ideas are organised into paragraphs and there is some use of linking devices [Nowadays | Ussually | that’s why | instead of | all of this], but there is a lack of overall progression because there is no conclusion. There is some good use of vocabulary [outlet | popular stores | local shops | promotions], but spelling errors are noticeable [differents | Ussually | demande | diarectly | you/your home | clossing]. Errors in word formation also occur [exportation | this/these shops] and there is first language influence in the use of [Fabric] instead of [factory] which could cause some comprehension problems. There are attempts to use complex sentences, but errors in grammar and punctuation are frequent. The punctuation errors can cause some difficulty for the reader.
