Task
There have been several complaints about the reception area where visitors to your company arrive. Your manager has asked you to suggest how the reception area could be improved.
Write a letter to your manager. In your letter
- describe the complaints that have been made
- say why the reception area is important
- suggest how the reception area could be improved
Candidate’s Answer
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 7.0 score.
Dear Mr Smith,
I am writing to outline the complaints that have been made about the reception area as well as to suggest several improvements to be implemented.
A number of visitors expressed their dissatisfaction with our company’s reception area. due to the fact that it is not spacious and overcrowded. What is more, there are not enough desks to fill in the various forms. In addition, only one reseptionist can be addressed to with a great number of questions which leads to the place being overcrowded.
Needless to say, the area where visitors arrive is extremely important as it is the image of a company and gives the first impression about the organization.
Taking everything into consideration, it is highly recommended to widen the reception area by using the room next to it
Moreover, it would be beneficial to equipt the place with additional furniture for visitors to use. Finally, hiring a second receptionist would be definitely advantageous.
I am looking forward to the changes being implemented.
Yours sesirelly,
Examiner’s Comment
The letter opens with a clear statement of purpose and goes on to address each bullet point, covering the first and the third at some length. There is room for expansion of the second bullet point. Information and ideas are logically organised, following the bullet points, and there is a clear progression throughout the following the bullet points, and there is a clear progression throughout the response. There is a range of linking devices [as well as | due to | What is more | In addition | which leads to | Needless to say | Taking everything into consideration | Moreover | Finally], although not all of these are strictly necessary. There is evidence of less common vocabulary [outline | improvements | implemented spacious | overcrowded | beneficial | advantageous] and use of collocations [expressed their dissatisfaction | image of a company | first impression]. There are only occasional spelling errors [reseptionist | equipt | sesirelly], but the meaning is always clear (the position of [sesirelly] makes it clear that [sincerely] was intended). A variety of complex grammatical structures is used flexibly, while control over grammar and punctuation is good, apart from the use of a full stop rather than a comma in the phrase [area. due to the fact that].
