Task
You work for an international company, and would like to spend six months working in its head office in another country.
Write a letter to your manager. In your letter
- explain why you want to work in the company’s head office for six months
- say how your work could be done while you are away
- ask for his/her help in arranging it
Candidate’s Answer
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6.0 score.
Dear Mr Smith,
The purpose of this letter is to expose my interest of working during half year in the company’s head office.
Firstly, I would like to mention that I have developed efficiently my. Additionally I have performed accurately the role that I have been doing over the last years. Consequently, I would like to learn about other areas in the company, and I would appreciate the opportunity of being involved in new challenges.
If that could be possible. I would like to train my assistant. She could develope the tasks that I have been doing as well as me. Moreover, I can confide un her. She has a wide knowledge and the capability to develope any task related to my job. Not only she could do my job but also she could have my advice at any time that it would be recquired.
I would enormuusly appreciate if you could have the possibility of arrange overseas my trans Ference to the head office in the company.
Your sincerelly
Examiner’s Comment
The candidate has addressed all three bullet points, though there is room for extension of each one. The tone is appropriate and the purpose of the letter is clear. Information and ideas are arranged coherently and there is effective use of cohesive devices [Firstly | Additionally | Consequently]. The range of vocabulary is adequate for the task and although there are errors in word choice [expose / express | trans Ference / transfer] and several spelling errors [develope | recquired | enormuusly | sincerelly], the meaning is still clear. There is a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and although there are errors in both grammar and punctuation, these do not impede communication. Extension of the main ideas, a wider resource in both vocabulary and range of grammatical structures, along with fewer errors in spelling, grammar and punctuation would lift this script above Band 6.
