Task
A friend you made while you were studying abroad has written to ask you for help in finding a job in your country. You have heard about a job in a local company that might be suitable for him/her.
Write a letter to this friend. In your letter
- tell your friend about the job and what sort of work it involves
- say why you think the job would be suitable for him/her
- explain how to apply for the job
Candidate’s Answer
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 5.0 score.
Dear friend
Hello my name is Vernon. How about this job for you my friend. This job in my local company that might be suitable for you. Computer Enginer. To fix computer. My friend fix computer in my local company. Daytime go to work fix computer not working which is broken. You like computer and at work fix broken computer and all employes learn fix broken computer lf computer broken you fix and help employes learn fix broken computer. How about it.
I know my friend you Study computer and gradate computer May 2013. I know my friend you love computer.The work hours is so good for you my friend. 9 to 5clock. When I hear about this job, it so suitable for you. You is Computer Enginer.
My friend I suggest you to apply for the job. My boss he is kind man. Tomorrow you write him and I tell my boss you is a good man. I tell him you is Computer Enginer.
Regards
Vernon
Examiner’s Comment
The letter does address the task, but the opening is not entirely appropriate e.g.[Dear friend] and nor is his introduction of himself to his friend [Hello, my name is Vernon]. The use of [my friend] as a form of address throughout the answer is also inappropriate. The bullet points are covered, but there is not much information on the last one as the writer only says [you write him], rather than explaining how to apply for the job. There is some organisation in the letter as each bullet point is covered in a separate paragraph, but there is little use of cohesive devices and the response is a little repetitive because of a lack of reference or substitution e.g.[this job | fix computer]. Vocabulary is fairly basic and spelling errors are noticeable [Enginer | employes]. The range of grammatical structures is limited, with frequent errors and although some complex forms are attempted, they too contain errors. Non-sentences also appear i.e. there is no verb [Computer.| To fix computer. | 9 to 5clock.].
