Task
You recently went to a concert and thought one of the singers was very good. You want to tell him how you feel.
Write a letter to the singer. In your letter
- say how you feel about his performance
- give details of your musical activities
- explain how you would like him to help you with your musical activities
Candidate’s Answer
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6.0 score.
Dear Mr.Tremain,
I saw your concert recently at Manchester Hall and I thought your performance was very touching and excellent. I felt deeply connected with the lyrics in your songs. I am a current music student at Oxford university and our school is having a musical performance next week.The play relates well to your latest song and I would be very greatful if you can help with me musical activities by providing a more detail insight to your lyric. Also, could you give us some tips about performing as this is our first performance. By giving an insight to your lyric, our drama and musical team a deeper connection to the song, which is what we really need. I hope I am not asking for too much. My team really looks up to you and it would mean the world if you write back.
Thank You for reading this letter and I hope to hear from you soon.
Yours Sincerly,
Examiner’s Comment
The candidate covers all three bullet points, but there is room for development of the ideas presented. There is an overall progression in the response, but it could be improved by using separate paragraphs for each topic. The range of vocabulary is sufficient for the task, with some attempts at less common items [lyrics| insight] and with only a few mistakes in spelling and word form [greatful / grateful | detail / detailed], though more specific vocabulary would improve the writing [the play / performance?]. Both simple and complex sentence structures are used, with some accuracy, but there appears to be a missing section [our drama and musical team (would obtain?) a deeper connection to the song]
