Task
In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing.
What do you think are the main causes of crime?
How can we deal with those causes?
Candidate’s Answer
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 5.0 score.
I am going to write about how the amount of crime is increasing in many countries and why
Nowadays there are many countries has increasing on the amount of crime and I think the problem is that most of the crime has done by the young people which is under 18 and from the age you can see and you can understand what is going on but in my opinion I think the main causes is the family and the school, the family I mean the mum and dad they have to look after their teenagers until they grow up and do not let them watch films which has a fight or blood, the school is the same as the second house for the teenagers and they have to teach them how to grow up in a good way and teach them how to respect the old people
For example I have been told from my oldest brother that in the UK 2 years ago a boy from Qatar he is 16 years old has killed by a group of teenagers in Hastings and they killed him without any reasons and when the Police asked them why did you do that they said we want to show off we are the best. So you can say they learn from the action movies
Finaly I hope all the people can help the tenagers to give them advice and to let them know what will happen after the crime. Also in schools they must teach them how to avoied the bad movies and to grow up in a safe way
Examiner’s Comment
Both parts of the prompt are addressed, although the main ideas and the writer’s position could be better developed. No clear conclusions are drawn so there is a lack of overall progression. Organisation is evident but not always logical, and the sentences are not fluently linked to each other, while each paragraph lacks a clear topic. The vocabulary is limited but minimally adequate, with not much variation in expression, and the frequent spelling errors are noticeable and cause some difficulty for the reader. The range of sentence types is limited and rather repetitive. Complex sentences are attempted but tend to be faulty, and there are a number of basic errors. Punctuation is poorly controlled, with underuse of capital letters and full stops.
