Task
You recently attended a meeting at a hotel. When you returned home, you found you had left some important papers at the hotel.
Write a letter to the manager of the hotel. In your letter
- say where you think you left the papers
- explain why they are so important
- tell the manager what you want him/her to do
Candidate’s Answer
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 4.5 score.
Dear Sir. Hello. I have a request to your hotel. I have been there and I hope you to remember that I conference your hotel few days ago.
My name is — and room No. is 707. The date is start 12/02/14 to 17/02/14. Actually, I lost my report for presentation. That is total 280paper. It was specially requested to Japan Uni for 1 month. I’ll using the report when I get a level of doctor.
I have no enough time for collected report again. Because the presentation will be opened after 4 days. I really want finding the report, and I believe you already have it when you before reading this mail.
Protect the lost goods is due the hotels.
And already it’s a law.
When you finished reading it, then just call me or leave your message to my asistant. I have a plan that when I finised the presentation, I’ll be go there again for celerbrat party with my friends.
Generally
—-.
Examiner’s Comment
The candidate has written to the hotel manager as required, but the three bullet points are not covered adequately. It is not clear where the writer thinks he or she has left the papers (only that they are somewhere in the hotel), nor is it clear what he or she wants the manager to do with them when found. There are also problems with the tone and format of the letter. Information and ideas are presented, but these are not arranged coherently and there are few cohesive devices. The range of vocabulary is limited, but just adequate for the task, with some errors in word choice and formation (I conference your hotel, total 280paper, a level of doctor). The range of grammatical structures is limited and although there are a few attempts at subordination (I hope you to remember that…, I’ll using the report when, I believe you already have it when, When you finished reading it, when I finished the presentation), they are almost all ‘when’ clauses. The level of error is high, even in simple structures (The date is start, I have no enough time, I really want finding) and punctuation is also often faulty.
