Task
You work for an international company. You have seen an advertisement for a training course which will be useful for your job.
Write a letter to your manager. In your letter
- describe the training course you want to do
- explain what the company could do to help you
- say how the course will be useful for your job
Candidate’s Answer
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 5 score.
Dear Sir/Madam,
I am write for apply training course which I see in advertisment. The training course is for computers and it can helping me for my job. I need to learn more about use computer and this course can be usefull for me. I need to use computer a lot, so I will benefit from this and the company will also benefit because I will be good at using it for my job. The course shows how to use internet, use software and other usefull thing about computers.
I want the company to pay for my course. If company pay, it is good for company and good for my work. I can’t afford to pay for course so I hope you can helping me with this.
Please I ask you, will you pay for my course. I know you will not regret it. You will see I am very good at use computers in my job.
Examiner’s Comment
The response generally addresses the task and the purpose is generally clear. However, the tone is not always appropriate (I want the company to pay for my course…, Please I ask you, will you pay for my course…). The bullet points are covered but there is quite a lot of repetition. There is information about the course covered but there is quite a lot of repetition. There is information about the course (The course shows how to use internet, use software and other usefull things about computers…) but there could be more detail. The information is quite well organised and the paragraphs are clear, but there needs to be more referencing and substitution (computer, company, my job, course). Some basic cohesive devices are used (and, so, if, this, it), but there need to be more linking devices, e.g. in the third paragraph. There is some good vocabulary (benefit, uses software), but it is rather limited, and there are some spelling errors (usefull). The range of structures is limited and there are errors in complex sentences (If company pay, it is good for company and good for my work…, I can’t afford to pay for course so I hope you can helping me with this). Some simple sentences are accurate (I know you will not regret it…), but there are a lot of grammar errors, e.g. articles (the, a).
