Task
Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Candidate’s Answer
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6.0 score.
In today’s world many people tend to believe that children should better participate in group activities that organised with certain purpose by teachers or their parent. However, others do not agree and suggest that kids become more intellegent whilst occupy themselves as in their future lives children will have to schedule their time.
On the one hand, I must admit that teachers have much more experience and knowledge in how to amuse pupils and provide them with some useful education at the same time. In this case society can count on school workers as they help, to bring up good change for current generation. Parents should give them permission to occupy their children’s free time with organised group activities and provide all possible help. Children have to be encouraged to attend in such events as it have possitive contribution in their studying process.
On the other hand, in certain circumstances parents should let their children to plan part of their spare time by themselves. For instance, kinds have to be wise about how to schedule their time at the evening when no other activities are available. But still parents should supervise children during this time in order to not let them play video games all night throght.
To sum up it is important to notice that children in their young ages are not so self-confident and intellegent to destinguish what is useful for them and what is not. That is why teachers parents should always participate in activities which kinds involved in. To help them recieve more useful knowledge during their childhood.
Examiner’s Comment
The response addresses all parts of the prompt, although the idea that children should learn how to occupy themselves on their own is not as fully explored as the first part of the prompt. Even here the candidate only mentions educational activities organised by teachers: a stronger response might consider other types of organised activities, such as sports teams, dance or orchestral groups, which could develop other aspects of a child’s growth. Ideas are organised, however, and there is a clear overall progression. There is some effective use of signalling devices [However | On the one hand | On the other hand | For instance | To sum up] and other examples of cohesive devices are also used [such events | during this time]. Paragraphing is signalled, though not consistently. The range of vocabulary is quite wide and shows awareness of collocation [participate in group activities | schedule their time | current generation | give them permission to | encouraged to attend in certain circumstances | spare time | supervise children], but there are rather too many errors for a higher band here [intellegent | possitive | throught/through | destinguish | recieve]. The use of [kids], repeated twice as [kinds] is not appropriate in this type of response. There is a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and although errors occur, they rarely reduce communication.
