Task
Some people say it is important to keep your home and your workplace tidy, with everything organised and in the correct place.
What is your opinion about this?
Candidate’s Answer
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6.5 score.
I think it is important to keep my house and my workplace tidy and clean with all things managed and in the correct situation.
Why is this? My home must be tidy to keep my families safe. If my home is tidy and electricity lines and toys and shoes and books are organised and in the correct place no one is going to fall over and do damage to there body. One day my friend Mohsin walked in his home to answer a person that come to his house door. He looked at the door. He didn’t look at the floor and he fall over one shoe and then he went to hospital to have his head sewen. Furthermore, if people arrive and my house is non-tidy, then I can suffer embarrassed. My family and my friends like to see my house tidy and clean. I like to see my house clean.
My workplace must be tidy so everything is organised. If my workplace is organised I think I can do more work. I can do this work because all my time is for my work. Sometimes I go to work and all my time I have to spend looking for my work. My desk is dirty and paper is all over the top and my time is taken by looking for what I want to do and what I need to do. This is so terrible and now I think it is important to keep my workplace managed and all things in the correct situation. Also, if I need to find pens or pencils it is easy when organised.
To conclude in a nutshell keep house and workplace tidy is a good thing because I can find my things, my family like it, it is safe.
Examiner’s Comment
The candidate gives an extended response to the task, explaining why s/he agrees with the ideas and supporting his/her view with examples. His/her position is clear throughout and summarised briefly at the end. Information is organised logically and there is a clear progression throughout. There is some use of cohesive devices [Furthermore | then | Sometimes | Also | To conclude] and of reference [this work | what I want | what I need | This is so terrible], but the range is not wide. Vocabulary is generally adequate [tidy and clean | in the correct situation] and even where the word form or choice is incorrect, or spelling is faulty, the meaning is still clear e.g.[ there/their body | have his head sewen/have stiches in this head | non-tidy/untidy | I can suffer embarrassed/embarrassment]. There is a variety of complex structures with frequent error-free sentences, though also occasional errors in the use of tenses [a person that come/came | he fall/fell over].
