Task
Mrs Barrett, an English-speaking woman who lives in your town, has advertised for someone to help her in her home for a few hours a day next summer.
Write a letter to Mrs Barrett. In your letter
- suggest how you could help her in her home
- say why you would like to do this work
- explain when you will and will not be available
Candidate’s Answer
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 5.5 score.
Good morning Mrs Barrett. My name is Alfonso Jose Suaza I’m from Colombia.I saw your advertised that you are looking for someone to help you in your home for a few hours a day next summer.Also I’m really interested to get this opportunity. A few years ago I was working as a cook in a Hotel, so I can help you in domestic task in your house and made your meals for breakfast,lunch and dinner. Forthemore I enjoyed to work in the hospitality and the cookery is my passion I love making food for everyone this make me happy. Actually I’m am international student, so I go to the school in southport at the afternoon Monday to Friday from 1:30 till 5:30, and free on the weekend, I’m able in the mornings and weekends. Thanks for your time
Kind regrets,
Dear Mrs Barrett
Examiner’s Comment
The writer has addressed each of the bullet points, although more details could have been given, as they only mention cooking and no other ways to help.
However, there is a clear progression which follows the order of the bullet points in the question. We can see the format is appropriate for a letter but there are errors at the close [Kind regrets | Dear Mrs Barrett].
Vocabulary is generally adequate for the task [opportunity | cookery is my passion | make me happy] although sne is taken from the question and there are errors in word choice [able / available | regrets / regards]. There are some attempts at complex structures (using relative pronouns) but the range is limited. The Band Score could be improved if spelling and word choice were more accurate and if there was more variety of sentence structures.
