Task
Some people say that now is the best time in history to be living.
What is your opinion about this?
What other time in history would be interesting to live in?
Candidate’s Answer
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 7.0 score.
I personally agree with those who claim that the present days are the best period in the history of mankind to be living.
Breakthroughs in science and advancements in technology have dramatically improved our standards of living, at least in the Western world, making life actually worth living. Advances in medical treatments and the invention of new drugs all have allowed us to live long and healthy lives. We no longer face the problems of food and water scarcity, thanks to new agricultural techniques that allow farmers to produce larger quantities of food. Everyone, no matter its race and religion, can receive a proper education and make a decent living out of a good job. We should not also undervalue things such as the freedom of speech, which has not always been guaranteed in the past.
However, if I had the chance to choose an other time in our history to live in, I would opt for ancient Rome. I think it would be interesting to try living in a society whose beliefs and values significantly differs from our. In today’s world, the most valuable personal “qualities” are selfishness and greed. We tend to put ourselves before other, whereas, in my opinion, things were different for the ancient civilizations, for wich the society as a whole came first.
In the end, I think we could learn some very interesting lessons from our past, without having to sacrifice all our efforts made to get where we are today.
Examiner’s Comment
This is a well-developed response which presents a range of evidence to justify the opinion expressed, including improvements in science, technology, medical treatments, agriculture, education, employment opportunities and freedom of speech. There is also a clear rationale for the ‘other’ time in history that would be interesting to live in.
Ideas are arranged logically with one paragraph exploring each part of the question. However, we cannot say that paragraphing is used appropriately.
The first and last paragraphs have only one sentence, and it is not clear if the final sentence is a new paragraph. The overall score of this response would be improved with an appropriate introductory and concluding paragraph. Other aspects of cohesion are good [those who claim that | whose beliefs | to get where we are today] with some slips [its race / their race | our / ours].
The use of vocabulary is precise [Breakthroughs in science and advancements in technology | making life… worth living | freedom of speech | ancient civilizations] despite a few slips [an other / another | wich / which] and the range of grammatical structures is wide with frequent examples of error-free complex sentences. There are a few slips, e.g., third-person agreement [differs / differ] and plural ending [before other / before others], but overall there is good control.
