Task
In the future, people may no longer be able to pay for things in shops using cash. All payments may have to be made by card or using phones.
Do you think this will happen one day?
Why do you think some people might not be happy to give up using cash?
Candidate’s Answer
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 7.0 score.
Technology has found its way into every aspect of our lives, including the way we pay for things in shops. Following this trend, I believe we will not need to use cash in the future.
First of all, generations that have grown with technology, have become dependant on multiple devices to perform even the simplest tasks. Millennials and people from the’y’ generation can be seen holding their phones at all times, which makes it easier for them to process payments with something they already have on their hands.
Moreover, as fashion is also playing a very important role in our society, being able to process payments with an electronic device as a card, is not only saving us time in counting cash, but also space when it comes to carrying thing. As a plus, it gets rid of the jinggling sound of coins in our bags.This can be seen on a day to day basis when both, men and women, are getting ready to go out.Taking only their phone, a couple of cards and their keys.
However, for some people this might not be functional as it brings extra charges on our accounts for using eftpos machines.
To conclude, even though there are both advocates and detractors for giving up using cash, I believe that our obsession with technology is a slippery slope that will eventually end on us giving up cash.
Examiner’s Comment
This is a strong response overall. The first part of the task is fully addressed, but the second part, the reasons for some people being unhappy, is less well covered. To improve this response, more than one reason should be given for why some people are unhappy with this change.
Ideas are arranged logically; however, paragraphing is not used appropriately. The fourth and fifth paragraphs have only one sentence. Other aspects of cohesion are good, with linking devices at the start of sentences [Moreover | As a plus] and within sentences [which | when | even though] and some effective uses of referencing [our | their | this].
The use of vocabulary is precise [found its way | following this trend | process payments | obsession with technology… slippery slope] with rare errors in spelling [dependant / dependent | jinggling / jingling] or collocation [end on us / end with us]. Sentences are mainly error-free and there are a variety of verb structures: modals, perfect tenses, and future structures.
To improve this response, the second part of the task, about why some people would be unhappy in a society without cash, should be more fully addressed. Paragraphing could also be more appropriate. The response is slightly shorter than the required 250 words.
