Task
It is sometimes possible to pay somebody to do things you don’t want to do, or don’t have time to do, for example, household chores or looking after children.
Is this a good way of providing work for others?
Should people do these things themselves?
Candidate’s Answer
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6.5 score.
Nowadays it is becoming more difficult to find the necessary time to do the home work. Even tasks as simple as cleaning the house and cooking the dinner or as important as childcare, are being delegated to third parties such as nannies or private companies.
Some people could say it is helpful to have someone who support ourselves at home. Not only because we usually do not have time to do it, but because we can promote jobs for other people. However I strongly believe that we should spend less hours at the office and much more hours at home. Doing that we should be able to carry on all the duties we use to have in the houses.
I think there certain activities we should not pass to others. For instance, taking care of our children. This is something that we, as parents, should do for ourselves. No one else could provide the kids all the love, understanding and friendship that a mother or father give to them. I remember that when I was a child, my mother quit her job and she dedicated all her time and effort to look after my brothers and I. Now, I realized that it was an invaluable time impossible to have with somebody else different from our own mother.
Summarizing, even though some people found useful to have others helping us in our duties at home, I think we should do it for ourselves because it provides valuable time at home. So that we should work less and spend more time sharing with our families. No matter if it is household chores or looking after children.
Examiner’s Comment
This is a strong response to the question and the candidate’s position is clear from the beginning. The candidate argues that people will find most satisfaction doing the work themselves at home. There is some consideration of the other side, and the conclusion is clear and relevant.
Ideas are sequenced logically and cohesion is managed well with some good cohesive devices [Doing that | Summarizing] but some overuse. There are a few slips [who support ourselves / to support us]. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic.
Vocabulary is natural and accurate [certain activities | quit | invaluable time]. Sentence structure shows a variety of complex structures including multi-clause sentences, but a higher degree of accuracy would improve the response.
