Task
Five months ago, you started renting an apartment on a six-month agreement. You now wish to stay in the apartment for longer than the six months you originally agreed with the owner.
Write a letter to the owner of your apartment. In your letter
- say how long you now want to rent the apartment for
- explain why your plans have changed
- tell the owner about a problem in the apartment
Candidate’s Answer
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 5.5 score.
Dear Mr Banks
As you know, my 6 month lease is about to expierd next month and I’m writing to you with a request to extand it for 6 more month, as my circumstents had changed.
When I just arrived to Adelaide I wasn’t sure that I’ll be able to stay more then 6 month, I got a 6 month contract with my work place and that was suppose to be it. Last week my boss who is apperently have a good impression of me, ask me to stay and maunage another project here in the city, So, if it’s possible, I’ll love to extend over agreement. I really love the apartment, the view is lovely and the nightbrood is friendly, although I do have one problem? The back door is broken and I’ll aprishiate you help in that meter, espisialy if I’m going to stay throw the winter, which I understan can be quit cold and windy around here.
Thank you very much
Examiner’s Comment
This letter covers each area of the task and provides a nice level of detail. The request is to extend the lease for a further six months, plans have changed due to a work opportunity and a problem with the back door is highlighted. The tone is suitable for writing to the owner of the apartment. Ideas are organised coherently and progression is clear. There are a range of cohesive devices [So | although] and helpful use of referencing [it | who | which].
Unfortunately, there is a high level of error in spelling. This does detract from the score, which is a shame as this writer is clearly trying hard to include a good range of vocabulary. Unfortunately, the errors are noticeable because there are so many of them [expiried / expired | apperently / apparently | extend over | extend our | nightbrood / neighbourhood | espisialy / especially].
There is a mix of simple and complex grammatical structures, with some good examples [is about to | if it’s possible | if I’m going to stay]. However, again, the level of error is quite high and is noticeable. There are errors in plural forms [6 more month / 6 more months] in use of past tenses [ask / asked] and future forms [I’ll love to / I’d love to].
The content of the letter covers each area of the task, but to achieve a higher score, the candidate should demonstrate a greater level of accuracy with vocabulary and grammatical structures.
