Task
You recently bought a piece of equipment for your kitchen but it did not work. You phoned the shop but no action was taken.
Write a letter to the shop manager. In your letter
- describe the problem with the equipment
- explain what happened when you phoned the shop
- say what you would like the manager to do
Candidate’s Answer
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 4.5 score.
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing this Letter to explain my problem which recently I bought dish From your shops, then it is broke.
Last week I bought a small piece of dish For my kitchen and I got warranty for that, when I current it to my home suddenly when I walking on the street I heared something is broke, then, I opened my bag, unfortunately my dish is broke and I think It was changed because that piece Like old and not that piece which I saw in first time. I call your shop several times, but, unfortunately no answer from your shop.
I would be greatful If you return my money or changed this piece, Allso, I like to talk with that man who changed my dish and I would Like from you to stoped hem for short time for his Job.
faithfully
Examiner’s Comment
The answer addresses the task and, although the response to bullet two is limited and not wholly focused on the prompt, the letter has a clear purpose. The points are organised but do not flow well because the progression is not always signalled clearly. Ideas can be linked, but there is only limited use of connectives, and these are not always accurate.Vocabulary is also limited, with mistakes in even basic words so the reader has to make some effort to follow the meaning. Similarly, control of sentence structure and grammar is weak, and punctuation is not used accurately. There are some correct structures, but errors are very frequent and are confusing for the reader.
