Task
In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry.
Why is this the case?
What can be done about this problem?
Candidate’s Answer
This is written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6.0 score.
Nowadays, many countries has been tried to develop the Advances itmes to Solves the lack of food in the world by the way why many people around the world still go hungry, In my opioin, I think “Capitalism”.
Under “the world Order” by USA in 1970 (the cold war) divied the countries around the world in to 3 groups, 1) the frist world like USA, UK, Japan like that, 2) the second word was like Soviet Union and 3) the third word was a devopling countries. I didn’t think the capitalism is bad, I think it made many problem such as the lack of food in the poor countries.
According to the Economics, the develped countries have a absolute rights to take an advantage from the resouse in the develping countries with the lowest wage, the hardest working and the dangerous places working Hence, the people who live in the develping countries has no oppunities to moblisation their status. the lowest wage they get vice versa the high price of their item product for example 1 dollar US per a day for 1 worker in the develped countries, but 100 dollar US per the item product to be selled, the cap is approximate 99 dollar US goes to the owner who live in the deveoped countries.
The solve of this problem, I think the government on each countries should guranted their citizen to have a basic rights, Food, Clear water and Education, for example. The highest price of food that restrize the poor people to access the food, the government need to bare the barrier pices of food won’t be high.
In the long team of solving this problem, the govement will give more Education fee as free for thie civilan becaus I absolutely think Education comes with mobilisatim the social status when the people has a high Education comes with a hire in a high working. then the government should bare the free of houshold is not high as well. the people will be expenditure more. When the more expenditure the people have, the more money they have we have to solve this problem together, Not the duty of some countries, the problem will be eradicated from the wild. fainally we have to have a hope to solve it, Not despair yet.
Examiner’s Comment
This script presents some difficulties for the reader. There is an attempt to answer the first part of the prompt (Why is this the case?) although the explanation is not well supported, while the answer to the second question (What can be done about this problem?) lacks focus as it mentions education, clean water and social mobility as well as food. At the same time, it is clear that the writer has some ideas, but lacks the language needed to express them satisfactorily. Ideas are organised into paragraphs and there is some sense of progression, with accurate use of cohesive devices [Nowadays | According to | for example] although there is also some inaccuracy [Hence | In the long team / term?]. Control over spelling and word formation is weak and there are frequent errors [opioion | Captialism | divied | countris | resouse | develping] for example, causing further difficulty. There are attempts to produce both simple and complex sentence forms, but the error level is high throughout, even in simple forms [I think it made many problem | the people will be expenditure more]. Punctuation is also sometimes faulty.
