Task
The chart below shows the value of one country’s exports in various categories during 2015 and 2016. The table shows the percentage change in each category of exports in 2016 compared with 2015.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Candidate’s Answer
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6.0 score.
The value of a country’s exports may vary in various categories in different years. Usually, the percentage of changes of exports earning will differ by year and category. Here is some information about a country’s exports earning based on the year 2015 and 2016.
First, I will start with the country’s most money-making export which is petroleum products. By the year 2016, the country gained 3% more in the category than the year 2015. However, for gems and jewellery, the percentage of the export earning decreased by 5.18% by the year 2016.
Next, engineered goods earnings also follow the foot steps of petroleum product earnings by gaining more than 8% on 2016 than 2015. The value increases from more than 50 billions to more than 60 billions in just a year. This statistic also conclude that the engineers in the country have gained more by the year 2016.
Besides that, agricultural products and textiles also earned more with 0.81% and 15.24% respectively. Even though, agricultural products does not gain more than 1%, it stills conclude that the products are still wanted by many people as it earned about more than 30 billions for both years.
While for textures, it is seen that it gains it popularity in the year 2016. This is proved, when the statistic states that the earning was increased by more than 15.24% in the year 2016 based on the year 2015. Textiles products earned about more than 25 billions in 2015 and earned more than 30 billions in the next year.
In conclusion, we can see that this country has overall succeed in the year 20l6 than the year 2015. The country managed to gain about more than 22% in the year 2016. Even though gems and jewellery had a decreasing of earnings by 5.18%, it is still the third money-making export product from the country.
Examiner’s Comment
The response covers all the key features and presents an overview in the final paragraph. However, the rating could be improved by providing data in $ billions for earnings for each product (not just engineered goods and textiles). One of the comments is debatable [This statistic also conclude that the engineers in the country have gained more by the year 2016]. Organisation follows the order of the bar chart, providing an overall progression, and there is some use of cohesive devices to signal a change of topic. The vocabulary used provides some variety of expression [differ | gained | decreased], even if it is not always appropriate [money-making / profitable | textures / textiles]. Errors occur [earning(s) | foot step / footstep | stills], but the intended meaning is clear. The candidate uses both simple and complex sentence forms, but better control of both grammar and punctuation might result in a higher rating here.
