Task
The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Candidate’s Answer
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6.0 score.
The diagram illustrates the process by which sugar is produced from sugar cane. The process consists of seven steps of various time length, starting by farming sugar canes and ending by dry sugar ready to use.
First, sugarcane is farmed and nurished for a period of 12 to 18 months, which is the longest step in the whole process. Second, sugar cane get harvested by the means of two ways, either manually or using specialized vehicles.Third, the harvested sugar cane go through the step of crushing,resulting in liquid form called juice.
The fourth step involves purifying the juice through Limestone filters. The purified juice now goes through the fifth step, which put it under extreme heat to allow it to evaporate to get syrup out from it.Then the syrup is centrifuged to separate sugar crystals from syrup. Once that happend the sugar is taken into the last phase of drying and cooling, which finalise the process and produce ready-to-use sugar that is packed and ready for sale.
Examiner’s Comment
There is an overview presented in the first paragraph which summarises the process into the farming stages and the drying stages. This summary could be more detailed, e.g. farming, crushing, separating, and drying stages. The ideas are presented in three paragraphs and follow the logical sequence of the process. Cohesive devices are basic [First | Second | Third | Fourth] and there is some repetition, but there is a clear progression.
Spelling is generally accurate and the vocabulary conveys the message well, with some range [the longest step | specialized vehicles | liquid]. Grammatical range is weaker and there are a number of errors [get harvested / is harvested] including third-person endings [go through / goes through | put / puts].
This response could be improved by a more detailed overview and more accuracy in grammatical structures.
