Task
Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Candidate’s Answer
This is written by a candidate who achieved a Band 5.5 score.
Nowadays economic progress plays an important part in our life. So many governments believe that it should be the most important goal. But some people argue that it is not the most important thing. There are other progress are equally important. In this essay, we are going to talking about why people have different views.
Generally people think money is everything, if we do not have any money, we can not buy anything. So the goverments put the economic progress to the top list. They believe the if the economic progress could bring a good result, th
rise satisfaction about their life. However, other types of progress are not important.
Some people suggest that the government should not put the economic progress to the most important place. Because there are other progress such as health system, building design, or education system are the same important as economic for a country. A country doesn’t have a completed system is not a completed country, even if it has a lot of money. In this morden society, more and more people realize that money is not the important thing in the world, and it doesn’t mean anything, while they think health, happeness are more important than it. Owing to that, some people argue that other types of progress are equally important.
From the point of my view, I agree with that other types of progress are as important as economic. Even though we have a lot of money. we can not buy happeness and health. Therefore the governments should put other types of progress to the important place as well.
Examiner’s Comment
All parts of the prompt are addressed and a position is presented (eventually) that is directly relevant to the prompt. Main ideas are relevant, but some are insufficiently developed. Ideas are generally arranged coherently and there is a clear overall progression. Some cohesive devices are used effectively, if mechanically, while others are faulty (From the point of my view). Paragraphing is adequate. The lexical resource is limited, but just about adequate for the task. Errors occur in word choice, word formation, and spelling (rise satisfaction, the same important as economic for a country, morden) and may cause some difficulty for the reader. The candidate has tried to use a variety of complex structures, but the writing lacks grammatical control (we are going to talking about, A country doesn’t have a completed systems is not a completed country…). The variety of structures would suggest Band 6 on Grammar, Range and Accuracy, but the errors sometimes impede communication; there are also errors in sentence formation and/or punctuation (But some people argue that, So the goverments put the economic progress to the top list, Because there are other progress such as).
