Task
Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Candidate’s Answer
This is written by a candidate who achieved a Band 5.5 score.
I agree with this topic. In my opinion I think that music can join anypeople who has different culture together, Music can make a relationship between people all around the world. Although it has different rhytum but when the people who listen to music, their feeling will be better. For the example the woman who will be mom in the future she can use music to join between mom and her baby. I have known about how to make the patients feel better and some cases of the patients in the hospital, the doctors will use music for them. When they patients listen to music(solf music)it makes them feel better. And now we don’t use music only human we can use it with animals and plants too.
Music can make us feel better, although we are different ages, nationalities and culture. when we like the same kind of music. We can join and listen together. One more example I have friend and he is the foreigner. He is around 25 years old. He likes to go anywhere with me and he likes to listen Thai song, especially song for life. He tries to practice to sing Thai song and he can do it.Now he can sing many Thai songs.
Including I think music has some power to make human’s mind. And it can make good relationship between people who has different ages, cultures and nationalities.
Examiner’s Comment
The response shows a clear position that is relevant to the task, with examples to support the main ideas. There is a clear overall progression, with effective use of cohesive devices[this | them | it] in spite of some errors [For the example | they patients | Including / In conclusion?]. Paragraphing is adequate. Vocabulary is generally adequate, but control over spelling and word choice is weak [anypeople | rhytum | solf / soft? | anywhere / everywhere?| song for life?], sometimes causing difficulty for the reader. There are attempts at complex sentences, but these usually contain errors [people who has | Although… but when], and punctuation is sometimes faulty (incorrect capitalisation, misuse of commas and full stops). Better control over spelling, grammar and punctuation might improve the overall score.
