Task
The maps below show an industrial area in the town of Norbiton, and planned future development of the site.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Candidate’s Answer
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6.0 score.
The two maps illustrates the norbiton area in the present days, as well as, the planned development. Overall, the norbiton industrial area is located at the east side of the town, with a river on the north, separating the farmland from the industrial area, which is located in the center of the map, represented by a few factory biuldings and roads, followed by the main road at the extreme south the map.
The planned development shows a substantially growth and modifications of the overall infrastructure of the area between the farmland and the main road.
Firstly, the planned development of the norbiton area replaces what once were factories for housings.
Moreover, the roads have been developed to acomodate all the new biuldings that have been planned for the area, which are, a school and a playground to the east side of the roundabout located in the center of the map, as well as shops and a medical center around the round about.
Secondly, a bridge is planned for the north of the map to cross the river and provide access to the housing that will be located in farmland.
Examiner’s Comment
This response covers the key changes to be made to the industrial area, although more detail could be provided, for example, housing to the west of the roundabout. There is an overview in the second paragraph and the response could be improved by adding a summary of the main changes.
Ideas are arranged coherently, with some effective use of cohesive devices [what once were], sequencing adverbs [Firstly | Secondly] and referencing [which | that].
There is some less common vocabulary but spelling is often inaccurate [acomodate / accommodate | biuldings / buildings] and word formation is incorrect [substantially growth / substantial growth].
To achieve a higher score, the candidate would need to reduce the number of errors in vocabulary and sentence structure.
