Task
You have bought some clothing online and are not satisfied with your purchase.
Write a letter to the company that you bought the clothing from. In your email
- give details of the purchase
- describe the problem
- explain why you need a replacement urgently
Candidate’s Answer
This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 5.5 score.
Dear Sir or Madam,
My name is Sam I broght throght your websit a suit for my sister wedding, two day ago I got the suit I order and I was so happy because it’s arrived on time.
When I open the box with the suit I decided to try it to make sure I got the right size and it’s fit me, unfortunately when I try it I found out the top part of the suit is to small and the fonts is too big. What mean I can’t wear it at all and also mean I need to packet and send it bake to you and with again for the right size.
I need to replace it as soon as possible because my sister wedding is in two weeks time in Greece and I flying there next Tuesday which mean I have less then a week to get my right order with the right size and make sure its fits me and fly there.
I appreciate your awarnec for the short time from we have case mistak happened to help be ready to my sister wedding.
Kind regards
Examiner’s Comment
The response covers all three points in the question. The problem is with a suit, and specifically the size. The candidate explains the urgency of getting a replacement: he needs it for his sister’s wedding in two weeks. The tone is generally appropriate and all the requirements of the task are addressed.
Ideas are arranged in the order of the question so there is a clear overall progression. There is some effective use of cohesive devices [unfortunately | also] and referencing [which mean]; however, there are numerous faulty examples [What mean / This means] which affect the score.
There is an adequate range of vocabulary with some examples of less common terms [make sure | need to replace it]; however, the errors in word choice [packet / pack it | bake / back | fonts / ? | then / than] and spelling [broght throght your websit / bought through your website | awarnec / awareness | mistak / mistake] reduce the score. Similarly, the errors in sentence structure reduce the score. There are no correct sentences in this response; although it is written mainly in the present tense, present-tense verb structures are sometimes not appropriate [open / opened | it to small l was too small] and auxiliary verbs are faulty [it’s fit me / it fitted me | its fits me / it fits me].
To achieve a higher score, the candidate would need to reduce the number of errors in vocabulary and sentence structure.
